Transforming Grief into Hope

Local woman uses her own grief to help residents at Emerge

XENIA — As a parent, there are few things in this world that could be more devastating than the loss of a child, especially when that child dies at a young age in a very tragic way.

For many parents, in fact, this type of loss can be so heart wrenching that they struggle for the rest of their lives to deal with the pain. Some don’t make it through. Grief changes people; it is a real thing in our world. Hope Reger knows this all too well. A native of Xenia, Reger gave birth to two sons in our region – Brian and her youngest, Justin.

Although Brian is still alive and well today, her youngest son, Justin, was tragically shot and killed in 2016 at the age of 18. Justin had an altercation with one of his roommates, who had a gun. He was shot in the chest and died shortly after.

The news of this tragedy sent shockwaves through the family as well as the community.

“When I got the news, everything in my life stopped at that moment,” Reger said. “I still don’t have the words to describe it. . . ”

Because the roommate was able to claim self-defense, the criminal charges in the case were eventually dropped, and this sent the grieving mother further into a downward spiral. 

“After the death of my son, I knew I had to do something with all the negative energy I was dealing with,” she said. “I had so much grief, anger and frustration and I couldn’t give him justice. I couldn’t understand how the person who took my son’s life would have no consequences. I knew I had to turn my life around to get out of that horrible energy — to honor Justin.  I was angry, mad and frustrated . . . I wanted justice, and I couldn’t understand . . .”

Eventually, Reger went to a grief counselor and was referred to a group session. Through her counseling, the mother wrestled with her own demons, including the fact that she was blaming herself for her son’s death.

“I felt like I failed Justin,” she said. “I realized that anger and frustration was going to cripple me. That’s when I realized I needed to use this energy to honor Justin.”

Out of the blue one day, Reger said she heard the words: “BE KIND!” 

“Suddenly, I realized this was my purpose as I navigated life without Justin,” Reger said. “I started Grief 2 Hope in Oct. 2020. I ran it for free for a few years. Then, in August of 2023, I made it into a nonprofit, so no one ever has to pay to get the support they need.”

Today, Reger said Grief 2 Hope is her full-time job.

“Eventually, I was able to forgive the person who took his life,” she said. “He took Justin. But I wasn’t going to allow him to take Hope as well.”

As part of her new life path in the wake of this tragedy, Reger said she is honored to come to places like Emerge Recovery & Trade Initiative to help others who are dealing with various forms of grief. She now comes to Emerge once a week to meet with the men in the men’s housing unit, to educate them about grief and how to process it in a healthy manner.

Why did you decide to come to Emerge?

When asked why she volunteers her time to come to Emerge, Reger said she does it to honor Justin, who would have been a supporter of this cause.

“I live nearby,” she said. “I read about Emerge in the newspaper and through social media. Both of my kids went to the Greene County Career Center here. When I heard what you were doing out here, I started to read up on Emerge. Even though drugs didn’t take my son, they put him in that environment. If he was alive today, he would be out here supporting this.”

Reger said she reached out Emerge staff members Ashley Harris and Nichole Worthington who brought her in for a tour.

“I told them that I would love to partner with them,” she said. “They told me that they would love for me to come in person.”

That was seven weeks ago. According to staff members and residents, Reger is making a positive impact in the space.

“They’ve asked me to come out here every week and I am totally honored to be able to do that,” she said. “I believe when you’re struggling with other things and you add grief to the mix, grief can put a bind on that struggle; it becomes a huge hurdle. My job is to come in and advocate and talk with them about it, especially the men. Men are told not to express their emotions so I was hoping they would talk and participate.”

Reger said she was shocked by the participation and the discussions they’ve had so far. 

“They are expressing what is going on with them and what they’re dealing with, and they are healing here,” she said. “This is allowing them to be open. A lot of them have said over the past few weeks that they haven’t been able to talk about their grief until they came here. In fact, in addition to dealing with grief, some of them are dealing with the guilt of having caused death. Giving them a different perspective and a mother’s point of view also helps too. Not only that, but it has also given me perspective in my own grief.”

In addition to her work at Emerge, Reger also helps people deal with grief online.

“I decided that I could start something for people where they could share their grief virtually, like we did in my grief group,” she said. “So, I developed a seven-week program.”

During the introductory session, Reger shares her own story of loss and how she moved from incredible grief to hope.

“It’s as simple as telling people about your loss and pain and then getting up every day looking for whatever hope you can find,” Reger said.

When asked what her advice was for those working through grief, Reger said: 

“Have patience with yourself, with others, with family and with the entire process. Once you learn that patience, then you start to move forward. Grief doesn’t go away all the way. You learn to start living with grief but it’s never not there.”